Dirty Harry (Styles)

The sole reason for this post is to use the headline that I should have used on Sunday for this post.

If only it had come to me at the time.

p.s. Is anyone else freezing their NADS off tonight?

One Direction: One Track Mind

XFactor: Some people sang, Take That did The Flood (again), there was ticker tape, more singing. It was all a bit underwhelming to be honest. Then Matt Carldle won. Still a bit underwhelming if I'm honest.

Bored, I was titting about on my iPhone when all of a sudden, Mr G spat "WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?!". I looked up as he was rewinding the final moments of the show and stopped at Harry (Curly-One) from One Direction leaning towards Matt and muttering something in his ear.

"What does he say?!" Mr G giggles...



Girls of the world, you have been warned.
p.s. He's not talking about your pet.

New Fix Factor Conspiracies?

Courtesy of Twitter this evening, two new potential embarrassments for X Factor bosses - neither of which started with me, by the way, I'm just repeating what I saw in the public domain.

I never really bought into the "Fix" claims and Mr G is now laughing at me for going all "Pelican Brief" on him but check this out:

First, someone posted a picture from an old copy of Elle magazine, of Kelly Osbourne at an event with Storm Lee, who, if you remember was chosen to go through to the live finals by Louis Walsh and Kelly's Mum Sharon.

Then someone else posted this link, which would appear to show Simon Cowell's favourite contestant, Katie Waissel performing on last year's show with JEdward, followed by this picture. Is it really the same person?

Before I had chance to finish typing it up on here, I went back to find the Storm Lee pictures and they had mysteriously disappeared?

Thoughts, please...

A Look Back at the Weekend

Did anyone catch the Take That documentary, Look Back Don't Stare, over the weekend?
I was never their biggest fan but since their renaissance, and mainly because Mr G appears to be obsessed with them so there's no avoiding it, I have followed their progress.

I'm not going to lie, I shed a couple of tears watching the programme. Call me soft (you certainly won't be the first) but regardless of the level of significance you place on a boy band healing old wounds and getting back together, I thought there was something genuinely touching about the way they seemed to have all learned to support one another and respect their differences. An example of this can be seen in the lengthy clip below, where they disagree over song lyrics and eventually all listen as each member other puts across their position. I couldn't help but think the world would be a more harmonius (nice wordplay) place if more people learned to resolve their issues in the same way, and I really believe that. Of course this all backs up my earlier theory that Gary Barlow should stage some sort of coup and sort out the shambles that is this country from behind his old Joanna.



Fast Forward to Sunday night and after compiling a comprehensive list of components for any future boy band performances in which I may be involved (Podium, pyrotechnics, key change, finger to earpiece during the high notes) I was excited to see the big reunion that my generation had been waiting for but never thought we would see... After 15 years apart... finally... Take That appear on stage with Robbie Williams...

Um. *whispers* Was. That. It?

I really want to hear your thoughts on this, most people seemed so distracted by the fact that it was happening to notice that after the performance it all looked a little bit awkward. Yes, there were all the matey glares and smiles during the song, and Robbie had a bit of a wobble at the beginning, but when the singing stopped, I couldn't help but wonder if they'd fallen out already.

(For some reason I can't post the video but you can click here to watch it).

Comments, please.

Cher-L: Stay that way

Now... I've been pretty vocal in my disapproval of faux-gangsta Cher-L on the X Factor, so never let it be said that I'm not open to changing my opinion about someone.

I really enjoyed her more vulnerable, less gimicky performance on the weekend. Much better and much more believable! Loved that eye make-up too.

Here it is if you didn't catch it - give it a go and let me know your thoughts:




Of course, we all know what this means, someone at Xfactor HQ obviously reads The Un-Working Girl and has taken my advice.

Cher-L: Origin-L

Just found this little YouTube video that highlights what I was trying to say about Cher-L not being very original.

I'm not saying this is the vulnerable teenager's fault. I suspect the whole thing is being manufactured by The Powers That Be, but what do I know? I'm just a dumb X Factor viewer...

X Factory

Grrr I'm in a right old X Factor grump this evening. It's been pretty dull so far, I can't be bothered to write any more about it. Fingers crossed next week the theme will be "Songs guaranteed to fill a dancefloor".

Message For Cher-L:

Anita Dobson called, she wants her wig back.

BREAKING NEWS!

The X Factor is really boring tonight. zzzzzzzzzzz

Because I'm Worth It...

An important message to everyone in any way associated with the X Factor (they're all avid readers, I'm convinced):

PUT DOWN THE HAIR DYE.

Is it Because I Is Black?

The judges said they wanted to get to know "the real John Adeleye".

Obviously the cultivation of an Afro and the addition of a quirky jacket have really made him stand out as individual. Well done XFactor...

Later Haterrrrrz

I feel bad for being mean about Cher-L. She's clearly got enough on her plate (well, not literally) with that eating disorder, without some low profile blogger giving her grief as well.

I don't hate her or anything. We were all 16 and starving once. All I'm saying is I don't buy into the idea that she's original and genuine or in the least bit "gangsta".  I'm sure she's still a nice girl and everything.

This Week's XFactor Predictions

I fear it will be the end of the line for Bellamy Belle Amie tomorrow night. As we know, girl groups never get the public vote, so I think they'll be teetering off into the sunset and before the month is out appearing in various tabloids stripped down to their La Senza underwear, admitting they all hated each other really. Which is a shame because I quite liked them actually.

Cher-L will probably be safe again because in the eyes of the viewing demographic who are too young to know otherwise, she is like, totally unique. And a girl on my bus had the Cher version (which, incidentally, is identical to the Keri Hilson version) of Turn My Swag On as her text alert the other day so the kids must be down with her. The good news though, is that for every week she stays in the competition, there's a chance that she goes out for a celebratory meal so that's at least one more meal a week than she was eating before.

One Direction's vocal arrangement will have been thrown into chaos this week when one of their member's voice dropped.

At least one contestant will be shown visiting a doctor on Harley Street in a desperate bid to find a pioneering cure for the common cold.

Simon will use the word "relevant" 5 times. And will also declare after every act that we've just witnessed "the best performance of the night so far".

Louis' hair will have gone back to grey.

Saturday Job

I'm half way through a stint of babysitting my nephew JEdwards. So far, so good.

He's either asleep, or has been unconscious for a couple of hours. I've watched a bit of Columbo and had a little snooze.

According to my comprehensive list of instructions, it's time to wake him up now so I'd better sign out so I can do all the necessary bits to have him in bed before XFactor starts...

Speaking of which, I'll be blogging along tonight again so if you're a fan then join in.

(If you're not, join in anyway. You'll still enjoy it. Probably. Maybe. No, you will...)

Matt Cardie

Errrrrr Hello Matt Cardle from XFactor...

I'm very excited to report that beneath that 'orrible hat was a sexy, tousled mane. And who knew chunky-knit sweaters could be so attractive? I got quite hot and bothered looking at that photo. What's that Matthew, do I want to come and snuggle underneath that blazer with you? Err, yes. Yes I believe I do.



p.s. I have borrowed this picture from Syco. Email me if you own the copyright and would like me to remove it.

Empire State of Migraine

Thank you very much to whomever crept into my bedroom on Saturday night and, whilst I was sleeping, attacked my temporal lobe with a pick axe.

I am now on my second day of a monster migraine and I would quite like it to go away now please :(

Reports that the migraine is as a result of an epileptic episode triggered by the new styling on X Factor remain unconfirmed.

B.Y.E F.Y.D

Awww that was a shame. The only group that were not manufactured by the judges and they're gone.
The public did not warm to Katie Waissel and her rainbow visors, possibly since finding out she already has a record deal in the States.

Notice also, how the performance she gave tonight was totally different to the one that was orchestrated for her last night. She may well be a gonner next week.

Xpert

As I predicted. Ciao Nicolo :(

X Factor Sunday Summary

I have had an awful migraine all day, and I can only conclude it's some kind of hangover from last night's hallucinogenic X Factor marathon.

I just about managed to blog along live to the show but I appreciate not everyone cares so I might not do it every week.

Here's a quick rundown of what happened:

The judges were each permitted a "Wild Card", so they could bring back one act from their judges' (not their real) houses shortlist. In the show with "no second chances" it turns out there are at least a couple of second chances.

The entire show was totally bonkers and there were several moments where I couldn't quite believe what I was seeing, former PE teacher Wagner fitting around the stage to Ricky Martin's She Bangs, Katie Waissel wearing a crash helmet with a spectrum of visors, pretending to play along on a keyboard that was resting on the backs of two Lycra clad men, Diva Fever skipping around in day-glo cycling shorts... MENTAL.

Standout performances from: Mary Byrne & Aiden Grimshaw

My favourites so far: FYD, Belle Amie, Mary Byrne, Wagner, Aiden Grimshaw

Who should leave tonight: Wagner

Most likely to leave tonight: John Adeleye, Paije Richardson, Nicolo Festa

Number of times Simon said "Relevant": lost count

In spite of spending most of the night completely bewildered it was much more entertaining than usual even if it was a bit long. At least there was some variety for a change.

So onto tonight. I'm mortified to see the producers have chosen to keep the horrendous group performance as an opener to the show. It's just so embarrassing. The song is always rubbish, they mime terribly and there appears to be absolutely no point to it. Tonight I even witnessed the Lesser Spotted Fist-above-Air-Pump-in-Unison, a dance move not seen since the late 1990s.

Usher was great though, even Alpha Male Mr G was impressed.

Now Joe McElderry's turn and then we'll find out which two acts are getting the boot tonight. Stay tuned...

Trey-C

I was gutted when Treyc didn't get through at the judge's (not their real) houses, so I was pleased that she got Cheryl's wildcard. BUT, did she just slag off two of her team mates? Hmmmm. I don't think that's very good cricket.