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Monday, 13 July 2009

It Was just My Imagination... Running Away With Me (Again)

I still have not heard anything about the job.
Over the weekend I resigned myself to the fact I haven't got it, but when no letter arrived this morning confirming the bad news, I started to get a bit annoyed.

Disappointing as it is, I would rather know for definite that I'm out of the race than be clinging to an ever decreasing ray of hope. Especially as I have another interview tomorrow, so it would be helpful to know in case (and this is highly unlikely) I get offered that one.

So...spurred on by a couple of Facebook comments advising me to ring them and ask, I did just that.
The lady was hugely apologetic that nobody had been in touch and said that calling me was on her "To Do" List. She said they were waiting for approval from the Chief Executive, and I must think them terribly rude for leaving me in the dark.
I replied that I just assumed I had been unsuccesful but wanted to double check as I'd not heard anything. Then she said this:
"Oh no, we would definitely let you know either way. I'm so sorry that I'm not able to give you a better idea of what's going on, but I should know more tomorrow afternoon".

What does this mean?? Surely if you're recruiting for a new position, you get the approval of the Chief Executive before you interview people? I agreed to the first salary they offered me, so it's not like there was any negotiation that needed signing off.
I've jumped to the following possible conclusions:

1) They have offered the job to someone else, who needed the weekend to think about it. They are still waiting to hear back from this person before they contact anyone else. Nightmare situation. Second Best = First Loser.
2) So impressed were they by my interviews, that they want to offer me far more money than they first mentioned, and are waiting for the Chief Executive to agree to this, and probably even give up his or her own post to make way for me.
3) Sensing that I might be mentally unhinged, they were too scared to tell me I've been unsuccessful over the phone and a rejection letter will appear in tomorrow's post.

But that said, wouldn't she just have told me? If I haven't got the job, I'm not going to be affected by the Chief Executive's decision tomorrow, so she might as well have just told me...

Does this mean I have got the job?! Oh my God, I could have a job!!! But have I? What if I'm second best, someone else has turned it down and now they're asking the next person on the list. Ahhhh, why couldn't they just tell me!? Wish I hadn't called them now so I could just be happily slagging them off for not wanting me.

This is just a small snippet, a mere 30 seconds worth of the twittering that goes on in my brain. So you can see what I'm constantly up against.

Which leads me to this funny little story from the weekend:

On Saturday night, Mr G went out for a friend's birthday bash. I was supposed to be going but I had a tummy bug and was feeling majorly sorry for myself having no money. I dropped off Mr G, then went and dropped my mother and father at a PARTY, told them to behave themselves and checked they had booked a taxi home before setting back to my house and settling down in front of an episode of Poirot with a ready meal. By the way, that is not the funny story, that is just my life.

About an hour later, I definitely heard something creaking around upstairs. We do live in an old house, but I've never heard noises or felt scared here on my own before. My fear was further compounded by our dog, LouLou, awakening from deep slumber to sit bolt upright, head cocked towards the door, and not move a muscle for what felt like ages.
My heart racing, I quickly tried to recall whether all the doors and windows had been locked shut before I'd gone out. We're usually so careful about that, and I definitely remembered locking the back door. What could it be?
Again, I heard something, and caught sight of myself and the dog both perched in exactly the same position, listening intently for the next clue.

So I did that really stupid thing they do in scary films when they think there's someone in the house... WENT AND HAD A LOOK!

I had to stop myself from shouting "Hello?" up the stairs at one point because I probably would have wet myself had anyone actually answered.

"Ahh yes, I am here to murder you... But... well you've caught me by surprise and I'm not quite ready yet. Could you just go back downstairs and pretend you didn't hear anything? And next time, lock your back door!"

Well, something has clearly rubbed off on me from spending so much time at the Jobby, because suddenly I found myself selecting a WEAPON from my general environ, to go on a hunt for the intruder. Quite what I was going to do with an IKEA biscuit barrell I'll never know, but nonetheless I wasn't about to let some pikey rob me of the goods I would soon be needing to trade in at Cash Converters.

A quick Jack Bauer-esque sweep of the downstairs revealed nobody, so I crept upstairs and into the spare room. Nothing.
I lept onto the floor to check under the bed, taking care not to block my vision of the doorway in case they tried to run out of the other room whilst my attention was averted. Nothing.

That was it, they had to be in my bedroom...
I sprang in and banged the light on, flinging open the wardrobe doors with the biscuit jar still poised above my head. Would you believe it, there was nobody there?!!

I stropped out of the room, muttering some idle threat under my breath just in case they had managed to hide themselves a la Shannon Matthews' kidnapper, in the drawers of my Divan Mattress.

About half an hour later I was making a drink in the kitchen when I saw some fireworks out the window. Back in the living room I sat down and heard the noise again, realising it was the sound of those fireworks echoing down our street that I had mistaken for a burglar. What a tosser!

Anyway, I did manage to take a picture of myself (as evidence for the Police, naturally) ready to pounce. Here it is...

(Had there actually been an intruder, little violence would have been required as the sight of that fringe alone would surely have been enough to kill a lesser man.)


  1. Absolutely hillarious, I'm sat on the bus crying with laughter, the lady beside me must think I'm a total looney! I love reading your blog, you always make me smile! Remember no news is GOOD news! Good luck with your interview tomorrow! Do keep us posted! Keep up the good work, over & out looselips xx

  2. haha that is brilliant Emily!

    I'm sure you have a career waiting for you as a comedy writer or something similar :-)

  3. Perhaps you should go into advertising for Ikea Emily, as they like doing things a little off-kilter, and you would definitely fit in!!

    Keep up the excellent writing! xx

  4. Now that's funny!!!