I might have mentioned before that I hate exercise.
One thing I hate more than exercise is being on a diet.
In poorer parts of the world, I'm sure it is a sign of opulence for a woman to be curvaceous. So how is it that in a country as rich as ours it is a sign of success for a woman to look like a pre-pubescent teenager? Yes Victoria Beckham, Nicole Ritchie, Renee Zellweger, Kate Moss, I am talking about you.
I can remember La Beckham boasting in one of her "Tips for How to Look Like Me" that a good place for T Shirts is Baby Gap. Ok, I might be exaggerating that slightly, it might have been Gap Kids, but nonetheless she buys her T Shirts from a childrens' clothes shop.
Now I clearly don't move in the same circles as Victoria Beckham. For her, shopping in Gap (Kids) is probably a normal person's equivalent of shopping in Primark.
So one day, when I was doing a spot of upmarket clothes shopping in Asda, I spotted a nice top that I wanted to buy. I held it up for a better look and rubbed my forehead in confusion. This was clearly a top for a seven year old, so what was it doing in the women's section? I checked the hanger and realised there must have been some mistake, it was actually for a 4 year old. Someone had obviously put this design from the girls section in with the adult clothing by accident. Look, there was age 6, and 8 and 10 and... Hang on, those were the sizes! What I was holding in my hand was not actually apparel for a 4 year old child, it was a grown-up SIZE 4. What the hell was a size 4? Who the hell could fit into it? Certainly not me or anyone else above primary school age, surely?
I clawed through the hangers right to the back of the rail to find a (clearly obese) size 12, and took the size 4s (and the size 6s whilst I was at it) back to the kids section where they belonged. Bloody Asda selling a size 4. Whatever next? It's not normal.
Victoria Beckham claims to eat like a horse in spite of there being no concrete evidence of her eating since circa 1997 when she was spotted snacking on a piece of pineapple.
It really grinds my gears when so-called role models make statements like this and people believe it.
I have had friends with eating disorders, living off ketchup covered Ryvita three times a week, or making themselves sick because they cannot accept that they are big-boned or thinking that they are some kind of failure because they can't even fit into Baby Gap by starving themselves, when Victoria Beckham shops there and she's always eating crisps.
Then, when one woman stands up and says she IS starving (Liz Hurley) and goes to bed hungry in order to look the way she does, because she has to look that way to get work and earn money, SHE gets branded irresponsible.
So as you can probably tell, I am not a huge fan of The Diet.
Something you should know about The Unworkinggirl though, is that I don't carry weight very well. I am not immune to feeling unattractive and overweight, and I know that when I get to a certain size (usually the time I can feel a roll of fat on my BACK, or have to undo the top button of my trousers to stop the stabbing pain in my stomach), it's time to take some action.
I am now fitting into a size 14, and I'm not saying that is fat, but it's big for me. It doesn't suit me and I look massive and, quite frankly, gross.
One of my closest friends is an absolutely gorgeous size 16. She has the most amazing legs I've ever seen, and a fabulous figure. She once got really silly on a diet and went down to a size 10 but looked really weird, and has now learned to embrace her curves. If I had her figure, I would be happy, but I don't, and the sight of me looking like a Ten-Tonne Tessie in the wedding photos from last week has sadly forced me to face up to the inevitable and sort myself out.
I can't say I'm happy about it but it needs to be done.
Thankfully me and my sister have spotted two pretty awesome sounding exercise classes that we are going to try out, so I will keep you posted as to how they turn out:
1) The local kids activity centre is open to grown ups one night a week, where you get to race around the foam assault course and play 'IT' and Quasar, hiding in the ball pool.
2) I read about Dance classes to ABBA Music, where you basically just do crazy dancing to ABBA songs. I will be going along, for investigative purposes.
But of course, this health kick all starts tomorrow, so for now I'm going to pop to the shops for some ice cream and watch a bit of Marple.