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Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Get on Chez!

This morning I caught the front of the papers on my way to work and got all riled up at the pictures of some bloke with a Yorkshire Terrier "sneaking out" of Cheryl Cole's LA hotel in the early hours of the morning.

For starters, I very much doubt Cheryl has launched straight into a new relationship just a few short days after her husband was caught sending pictures of himself in a pair of Huggies Pull-Ups, sorry pants, to another woman. Sorry other women.

Secondly, if there was something going on with this chap, would he really be so stupid as to get pictured leaving her hotel, knowing that the press have been all over them since Cheryl arrived in LA? And besides, if they were indulging in a spot of hanky panky, what was the dog doing there? And what a nice guy to leave at 4am rather than stay the whole night!

So...call me a cynic but I couldn't help but suspect the entire thing was dreamt up as something of a publicity stunt for the purpose of:

1) making Ashley jealous
2) trying to regain some credibility for Cheryl
3) making money
4) all of the above

But surely not?!!


Something else had been bothering me too... Where had I seen this guy before? His all-American Abercrombie & Fitch look seemed strangely familiar...

Then it dawned on me. On our Honeymoon Mr G and I stayed at the Mondrian Hotel in Hollywood, hoping to spot some celebrities (I know, romantic!), and whilst supping on The Most Expensive Cocktail in The History of The World TM, at the swanky SkyBar we found ourselves in the middle of a launch party for a range of male swimwear (I didn't plan it, I promise).

During the interval whilst the models were probably peeling themselves out of their insanely tight speedos ony to shoehorn themselves into the next pair, we were treated to an accoustic performance by a band.
At one point they did an awesome cover of what I was appaled to realise half way through the song was "Gotta get Thru This" by Daniel Bedingfield, AKA one of the worst songs in the world.
Yet there I was, sat at the edge of a pool on a warm summer Hollywood evening, tapping my feet and humming along.
There appeared to be two frontmen to this group, one blonde, very pretty, immaculately turned out boy and the other, well I wasn't really paying that much attention to him, I was too busy staring at the blonde one and in my head, performing some fairly impressive backing vocals to Gotta Get Thru This.

"Wow, weren't they GREAT love?!" I sang to Mr G two hours later when I had finally slurped up the last drop of my $20 Mojito.

"Yeah, I suppose so." huffed Mr G, not overly impressed at having spent the last night of his honeymoon watching a troupe of ripped men modelling next season's beachwear and securing a second mortgage on our house to buy a round of drinks.

We we walked through the reception of the hotel, I noticed The Band having a de-brief with their manager. Before Mr G could tell me to pipe down, I was over there offering them a record deal. Well, not quite, but these were my exact words (I blame the alcohol):

"Hey! I just wanted to say I really enjoyed that! I fucking HATE Daniel Bedingfield normally but your version of his song was actually good! What is your band called?"

Such acclaim obviously went down very well indeed, and I'm sure they would have asked me to join them had it not been for my shiny new wedding band blinding them and a slightly uncomfortable Mr G hovering uncomfortably in the background.


The manager told me they were called the Ballas Hough Band, who I later found out are headed up by a certain Derek Hough and Mark Ballas of "Dancing with the Stars" fame, and latterly in Derek Hough's case, of sneaking out of Cheryl Cole's hotel room fame.

Advising The Band that I knew how they could crack the lucrative UK market, I scrawled down the words "Jo Whiley, BBC Radio 1" onto a piece of paper and breezed off into the lifts, cooing to Mr G "ahhh weren't they lovely?". Strangely, Mr G seemed more than a touch embarrassed.

So, having gone off wildly on a tangent, whilst I approved of Cheryl Cole's new choice of Beau, I couldn't help but feel a little bit cross that she had resorted to such silly tactics to teach her husband a lesson. If she really wanted to send him a message, she should have been pictured wearing a T Shirt that said "Fuck You Ashley Cole".

Upon arrival at work, I promptly announced my publicity theory to all my colleagues, betting that she would be back to Ashley by the end of the week.

Well, imagine my delight on the bus journey home when I carried out my routine check of the Sky News headlines to discover that young Chezza has released a statement saying:

"
Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband Ashley Cole. Cheryl asks the media to respect her privacy during this difficult time. We have no further comment to make.”

I am disproportionately happy at this announcement. Well Done girlfriend!

For some, the prospect of being on their own is terrifying and it's easy to see why people put up with being treated badly rather than face being alone. But I find it so frustrating when every week another independent, succesful woman in the public eye appears to just lie down and take it. How is Jenny Normal supposed to find the courage to ditch her douchebag of a husband if Cheryl Cole, that nation's sweetheart, can't get rid of hers?


Whether Cheryl has finally seen sense for herself or been given a very stern talking to by her advisors, I'm pleased that for once a high profile woman has been seen to buck the trend, realising she deserves better and can manage by herself.

Fingers crossed Cheryl means what she says so Ashley can go and take his baggy white Y-Fronts and feeble excuses elsewhere. In the meantime, I really hope that whilst pretending to practise the lambada, Derek Hough and Cheryl realise they are actually MFEO and become a powerhouse couple nicknamed "Deryl". You read it here first.

1 comment:

  1. What an adorable blog! You are a terrific writer with a charming personality and this was so fun to read! Going to look for any subsequent blog posts you may have made about "Deryl."

    Looks like you predicted they were MFEO before anyone else did!

    ReplyDelete