As we all know Festival season is upon us. Me and Mr G (from the comfort of our living room, obvs) watched footage from the Isle of Wight Festival over the weekend and it did make me sort of want to go. A bit. But then I needed a wee and thought about how lovely it was to be able to walk a few short steps to the bathroom and not need to queue for hours or crouch over a stinking hole in the ground.
Back to the vantage point of the sofa, once again I was struck by something that has been bothering me for a while...
At one point Mr G thought I had seen a giant spider, or a similar catastophic event was unfolding, when he looked over to see me staring, open mouthed, at the telly, aghast.
"What's the matter, love?" He panicked, glancing around for a spare flip flop.
"What. The. HELL. Does. She. Sound. Like?" I spat, referring to Florence and The Machine.
Never mind the machine, I think Florence is the one who needs a good old-fashioned mains reset. Don't get me wrong, I do like her folky, warbly sound - on the radio - but this was something else, and it's not the first time I've noticed it.
If you shut your eyes and imagine a tone-deaf readhead in a winged maxi dress, having every hair on her body plucked out individually whilst simultaneously having her fingernails pulled off at the same time as watching her cat being strangled, you might get an idea of what it was like. Naturally, the crowd loved it.
Later, Jay-Z came on to do his thing, which confirmed to me that yes, I do in fact love him, even though Nickers From Work said her brother (aged 29) is too old to know who Jay-Z is. I'm 29 next month! What a cheek! The Jigga Man was churning out the hits before Nickers could even walk.
Finally, I discovered Marina & The Diamonds, whose name I knew but had never actually heard any of her songs owing to the fact that I can't afford to drive any more so never listen to the radio.
Anyway, Marina Lambrini Diamandis (surely in the running for best name EVER?) as she's known to her parents is a part Greek, part Welsh singer/songwriter with a catchy catalogue of "New Wave" pop songs and a very quirky sense of style. In addition, she did not sound like she was being tortured, which made her about 50% better than half the acts we had watched so far.
What made me laugh though was her amazing outfit, which consisted of a T-Shirt with a bikini-clad body painted on it, some tights and high heels. She accessorised these with bright pink lipstick, some heart shaped sunglasses... And a foam hamburger as a prop.
This girl is my kind of crazy - Only a week earlier I had been pottering about the house in practically the same outfit. True story.
If you click here to watch her live performance of "Hollywood", you will see the outfit in question.
So thrilled was I at our similarities (if we ever meet we will evidently become BFFs), I decided to recreate her look for your viewing pleasure with the help of a burger bap out the freezer and Mr G's microphone from Beatles Rockband. The rest of the pieces, as they say, were the model's own...