I have a feeling my writer's block may be over as I have felt compelled to switch on the computer mid-way though X Factor to update the blog. Right, what the hell is going on?!
Have I, or have I not, just watched among others, a 50 year old supermarket checkout worker being made to dance on stage?
For a moment I thought a new dimension was being added to the selection criteria, on top of the existing requirements: singing ability, beauty, mental stability and full set of dentistry, (bonus points for ripped jeans), until Simon announced that the contestants would not be judged on their performance in this random new dancing section, which begs the question, why bother with it? Does it really matter if they can dance or not?! I'd just be happy if a few of them could sing. Ugh, it was excruciating. Anyone who was until this point struggling to picture what I looked like at the street dancing classes, just needed to have a look at the big sweating fat bloke for an accurate idea.
One sensible lad tried to conscientiously object because he didn't want to be compared to a load of stage school / professional dancers, so Simon went to have it out with him and told him he was ruining his chances. Hang on Simon, didn't you just say this part didn't count?
One girl band, (dancers, already rumoured to have been manufactured and a dead cert to go through, main one has massive blonde quiff), further cemented their status in my "Pleasedontletthemthrough" pile by boasting that it was easy. Oh clear off back to Pineapple Dance Studios, love. Nobody likes a bragger.
Last week I must have been cooking the tea when X factor was on as I appear to have missed the delight that was Lisa Victoria Mafia. If you're not too sure which one she was (which I doubt very much) she was the gobby Wakey lass wearing more make up than clothing, who was in all the papers for allegedly being a prostitute. Well, tonight she was just as bad as she was the week before apparently, but Simon appears to want to put her through.
Also in the running for the live finals are; 16 year old in desperate need of a sandwich, Cher(yl); the vocal harmony group from the construction site (must have been raining if they were all able to get the day off work); and the really annoying mini Material Girl.
Almost everything about it tonight ground my gears. The only exceptions were the adorable Nicole Scherzinger and the chap at the end who sang The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - and we'll probably see neither of those again.
Trust me, it really pains me to say this, but could it be that I am falling out of love with the X Factor?