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Monday, 22 June 2009

Celebrity Visitor & Grotbags

I have returned from coffee with Spider in a better mood, so thanks Spider for cheering me up and lettting me have a good old moan.

Walking past Waterstones we noticed a huge queue of people, camera phones poised, and wondered what we were missing out on. For a second, I thought perhaps they were giving out job application forms but on closer inspection it appeared there was some kind of celebrity book signing underway.

Jordan is still in Ibiza so I knew it couldn't be her, and found myself wondering who it could be that had attracted such a crowd in Plymouth on a Monday at 1pm... Surely everyone is at work?!

Then I caught a glimpse of those sparkly eyes and that smug grin and realised that there, in a powder blue cashmere v-neck, revelling in the adoration of his many, many fans was none other than the Superintendant of The Unemployed and my arch-nemesis...JEREMY KYLE. I'll know I have truly admitted defeat when I find myself watching that load of arse. Although...Spider seems to think you get paid to go on there, so I am thinking that surely I can find some problem in my new marriage that can only be resolved with the assistance of a Lie Detector.

Following a brief drama that possibly/almost/nearly/could have resulted in me blowing up the engine of my car (and not for the first time) I made it home just in time for a rather excellent episode of Midsomer Murders. I felt a brief pang of disappointment when it was announced that this was episode 1 of a two-parter, but that was quickly replaced with sheer joy when I remembered I don't have a job and will be able to catch the final part tomorrow! Every cloud...

So far, a funeral director has referred to inspector Barnaby's deputy as "A right CONstable" (say it aloud - I actually choked a little bit when he said it) and another character suggested that the murder victim "could have been one of those Bum Bandits" (I kid you not)!!! Cue second choking fit. As well as the homophobic comments, it's also got that woman off of the TV Show, "Grotbags" in it (Grotbags, I do believe her name was), so it's like one big trip back to the '80s.

Finally, anyone who finds me hypocritical for mocking Jezza Kyle when I watch Midsomer Murders has clearly not yet been exposed to the sheer brilliance of the murder mystery genre and I suggest they remedy this immediately with an early episode of Murder, She Wrote, followed by a Lie Detector test to expose their true feelings.

Thanks for the comments! x


  1. Am loving your blog Emily, its hilarious!! Wishing you all the best with your job hunt.... Jo P. xxx

  2. Ems, this is so brilliant, i love it.... Love ya loads...Tyresha, Leigh, Danny and Taylor xxxxx

  3. absolutely hilarious! you have a natural talent! lol xx