Big Mother

Sorry the blog posts are so sporadic - I'm still fighting the pregnancy hormones like some kind of Bi-Polar warrior and don't see the point in dragging everyone else down with me!

The latest news probably won't come as a massive shock to anyone (Certainly not judging by the number of people who keep asking me, very seriously, if I'm sure I'm not expecting twins. My answer: fairly certain, thanks), but I'm growing a BIG FAT BABY.. According to my midwife I am measuring 3 weeks bigger than I should be, and no amount of suggestion from me was going to convince her to put this down to a medical reason. The truth is, I've been feeding my unborn child loads of sugar and have turned it into a little fatty. Oh dear.

In all seriousness, I am now trying to eat a bit more sensibly because this thing has still got to to come out somehow...and obviously there's my post-birth bikini modelling figure to think about.

In the meantime me and Mr G are being simultaneously amazed and freaked out by the sight of my stomach moving. It's like when someone has a really gory injury and it makes you feel a little bit sick but you still can't resist having a good old look anyway. Weird.

The baby has obviously inherited my nervous energy because it will not keep still and seems to be constantly on the go but at least it's got a sense of humour - I've been playing it music to see if it has any preferences and have discovered if I play "Rolling in The Deep" by Adele it will do somersaults... Every single time.

I already can't wait to meet the little rascal but I've still got another 10 weeks to wait... Zzzzzzzzz

Strange Things Are Happening...

So... being pregnant is very weird.

For something that is currently the size of an avocado, this baby is launching an all-out attack on my entire body:

For starters I can't stay awake longer than about four hours. Yes, I know it doesn't sound much different to my usual snooze-tastic lifestyle, but this is something else. Afternoon naps last on average about three hours now and I still go to bed at the usual time and sleep right the way through the night. Naturally, I am thrilled about this development. Mr G even seems to have stopped nagging me about being asleep all the time. Result.

I still can't drink tea. I fancied a brew the other day at work and was so excited to be drinking my first cup of tea in three months that I emailed my husband to share the good news. Followed an hour later by "Oh. I've just been sick."

I wasn't just sick, it came on so quickly and violently that I actually burst the blood vessels in my face. Attractive.

And following on from that, I have finally admitted defeat in the war on chocolate. I tried in vain to fight the choc, and the choc won. I had a few defiant attempts at eating it for the sake of it but every time the experience was just never as enjoyable as I had anticipated, and usually made me feel ill afterwards so I have now given up even trying. I'm expecting the news that Cadbury's has gone into administration any day now...

I was expecting my emotions to go into overdrive - friends told me stories about crying at adverts - what I wasn't anticipating was just how out of control they would become. Last week, I was listening to the radio and found myself crying at how much I love disco music. Amazing.

All of this pales into insignificance as I learn about things still to come... Yesterday I was going through my latest Bounty Pack and at first I thought someone had kindly sent me some new muffs for my headphones, but then discovered they were in fact nipple pads. "What on earth do I need nipple pads for?" I wondered out loud... and was shocked to discover that milk may well just come pouring out of me any time I go near a crying baby in a few months time. Errr... what?

Having said that, have you heard about Baby Gaga Ice Cream? My friend told me about it because her colleague was one of the donors. It's ice cream made from breast milk. If I start producing enough for a milking parlour (possible, with these waps) I could always sell some on for a bit of extra cash. Judging by the fact the ice cream sold out in 2 days, there's clearly a demand for it.

But never mind all that, spare a thought for poor Lucy Liu who seems to be affected by all the wild hormones in the house and does not know what to do with herself. Anyone else's dog done this?

The ThreeGees

It's been so long since I last wrote on here that I momentarily forgot my password.

Anyway, I can now explain that the reason I haven't written for such a long time is because me and Mr G are going to become a family of three!

We've been waiting some time for this to happen so you would expect that it would have taken a bit longer than an hour post-positive test result for me to start moaning about how hideous being pregnant is, but of course that was not the case. Why suffer in silence when you can bring everyone else down with you?

How quickly I forgot how long we've wanted a baby when I was struck down with (what can realistically only be described as an average case of) the dreaded morning sickness.

On one particularly harrowing occasion - which has now become known as The Dominos Disaster - Mr G went out for the evening so I thought I would cheer myself up with some pizza. I ordered £20 worth of scran, threw up before it arrived and then managed to eat precisely 1 slice of pizza, 1 chicken goujon and 1 potato wedge before throwing the rest in the bin as I couldn't bear the sight or smell of it.

On another occasion I thought I was getting my appetite back so cheerfully wolfed down a lovely spaghetti bolognese, only for it to make a reappearance before my knife and fork even came to rest on the empty plate. I actually cried about this. I love bolognese.

People keep telling me it gets better. Let's hope so, eh? Yesterday I got off the bus and  had a little cough tickling the back of my throat which set into motion one of the less glamorous moments of my life...I walked the length of my street at the speed of a slug, doubled over gagging, before finally coming to rest against a lamp post and vomiting in the street.

So, not only have I been regularly saying hello again to meals I had considered finished,  I've also noticed I am growing a beard, and my boobs have become so massive that when I get cold my nipples look like a  Shar Pei (If you don't know what a Shar Pei looks like click here) but something even more distressing than all this has happened to me since I became pregnant:

I've gone off chocolate.

Regular readers will be astounded to hear that not a single Flake has touched my lips since well before Christmas. In a bizarre twist that would surely even shock medical professionals, it turns out that this baby prefers healthier eating. Not only can I no longer enjoy a diet rich in cakes and chocolate washed down by a nice brew (and believe me, I HAVE TRIED), I find myself putting away fresh fruit at a rate my bank balance cannot sustain.

Anyway, of course I am just messing around (Not about the pregnancy, that would be a bit weird?),  I am very grateful to be pregnant and after such a long wait we do realise how lucky we are. I am totally overwhelmed  that there is a new life growing inside me, and aside from the barfing, the beard, the boobies and the chocolate lockdown, there have been lots of amazing moments as well. I don't think I've ever been as proud as I was when we went for our scan last week and saw the baby relaxing with its feet up, legs crossed , in the ultimate lazy recline. It refused to move, apart from to wave its hand once dismissively above its head, as if to say "Errr... Trying to SNOOZE in here!" and the tears rolled down my face as I thought "Now that's my child!"